For I have sinnend
by Cosima
Summary: After twenty years of marriage Darcy finds himself fascniated by his oldest son's fiancée. Jane and Bingley suffer a series of miscarriages.
1. Default Chapter

Prologue  
  
Pemberley, 1834  
  
Warm beams of sunrise wakened Darcy and while rubbing his eyes he reached for his wife next to him. Elizabeth was wide-awake and gazing at him lovingly. Pulling her in a tender embrace his mind went back to the happy time when he had been courting her. Was it really over twenty years ago that the magic of her fine eyes had enraptured him? Time had been kind on her, nothing betrayed her age of forty-two as yet. Her figure was as slender as it used to be, giving birth to five children had not altered that. Their youngest, Abigail, had been born only two years ago.  
  
"What are you thinking about, my love?" Elizabeth rubbed his hand with her own while kissing his cheek.  
  
"I was thinking about your never fading beauty. How do you do it?" He meant every word.  
  
"How do I do what?" Elizabeth played along.  
  
"How do you keep me under your spell? How can you be so perfect as a wife, a mother, a lover and a friend?"  
  
Elizabeth chuckled at his compliment and leaned her head against his chest. "Well, my dear Mr. Darcy, it may have escaped your notice how stubborn, strong-minded and forward your wife is. Aren't those deplorable faults in a wife?" Her teasing was light.  
  
"Not in my wife!" He assured her passionately and claimed her lips before she could even think of a reply.  
  
Her breathing quickened at his touch, her entire body tingled in excitement. Bursting with desire she gave in to the pleasure of his lovemaking, her heart was racing and beaming with love.  
  
"I love you, Fitzwilliam Darcy. So much that I'm afraid to say it..." Her voice faded away, she felt tears welling in her eyes.  
  
Kissing away her tears he caressed her long tresses with his right hand while rubbing her full lips with the other, her lips were quivering. "Never be afraid of your love for me, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth. You know that my heart is yours, now and always. Promise me never to fret at the thought of our happiness and never doubt my love for you." His voice wasn't more than a whisper, it sounded raspy and tender at the same time.  
  
Abigail chose just this moment to wail for her mother. "Mama! Up!"  
  
Both parents followed their daughter's calling to the crib; Darcy's heart was melting as he watched his wife picking up the little toddler.  
  
"Come take her to our bed," he suggested.  
  
Remembering the wonderful times when Abigail had been sleeping in their bed Elizabeth carried her daughter to the bed and lied down with her husband, Abigail lying between the loving couple.  
  
"Isn't she perfect?" Elizabeth's eyes moistened at the sight of her dark- haired daughter.  
  
"Just like her adorable Mama. She has your smile."  
  
"And your wonderful dark eyes," Elizabeth responded with a smile.  
  
"Mama, I up. I go garden?" The little toddler was playing with a curl of her mother's hair.  
  
Before Elizabeth could respond Darcy caught her off guard and planted a kiss on her mouth. "My two angelic girls," he sighed. "Lizzy, I have an idea what we could do on this glorious Sunday!" His smile was as impish as it was loving.  
  
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Alexander William Darcy had chosen this Sunday to return home to Pemberley from Oxford. As much as he loved studying the law he regarded Pemberley to be the only home he could ever imagine and, remembering the surprise he was bringing along he returned home just the more excited. Being the Darcys' oldest child he was now twenty years old and determined to make his parents proud in many ways. Mother nature and God had been generous what his natural gifts were concerned. He had inherited his father's handsome looks even though he looked less like a womaniser than his father. Where his father's appearance was tense, masculine and stern his features were soft, joyful and kind. His goodness, inherited from his aunt Jane added to his character as much as the wit he had inherited from his still beautiful mother.  
  
Then his mind took a turn to the woman who accompanied him home. Just the thought of Diana Montgomery made him smile adoringly at the woman who was sleeping by his side. The streets were not rocky, thus her sleep remained undisturbed. As the carriage came to a halt in front of Pemberley Diana stirred and rubbed her eyes.  
  
"Are we there yet?" Her question was dizzy.  
  
Alexander gave her an impish grin and rubbed her hand.  
  
"Welcome to my home, Sleeping Beauty!" His love for teasing his fiancé got the better of him.  
  
Before he knew it she had poked him in the stomach lightly just to kiss his cheek afterwards.  
  
"I can't wait to meet your parents, Alex."  
  
"Me neither!"  
  
Alex helped her out of the carriage and felt his heart beaming with joy at her admiration for his beautiful home.  
  
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"What were you having in mind, Papa?" Elizabeth chuckled at her husband's playing with their daughter.  
  
Darcy tickled Abigail's feet while running his other hand through his wife's long dark tresses. "I was thinking of a picnic!"  
  
"Picnic!" Abigail cooed in delight.  
  
"I believe the mistress of the house already sanctioned your idea, William."  
  
"What about the mistress of my heart then?" His hand was rubbing her shoulder now. She beamed at his touch.  
  
"I believe she would adore the idea..." Elizabeth tried to remain calm but her husband's tenderness soon melted her reservation.  
  
"Well, my dear Mrs. Darcy, I believe that we'll be off for a picnic then." He gave her a last kiss and got up to get dressed. Elizabeth remained in bed to cuddle with Abby.  
  
"Abby, honey, isn't your Papa the most adorable man in this world?" Elizabeth sighed loudly.  
  
"Love Papa. An' Mama." Abby added with a grin.  
  
Elizabeth smothered her with kisses causing Abby to giggle in delight.  
  
"Are my girls having fun?" Darcy asked with a grin.  
  
As usual Elizabeth was completely smitten by him. His appearance had not changed in all those years except for a few silvery curls in his raven black hair.  
  
"Will you watch Abby while I get dressed?"  
  
Darcy winked at Abby. "Of course I'll take care of my little girl!"  
  
How wonderful it was to watch this adorable man with his daughter, Elizabeth thought. Of course he loved his four sons deeply but he had a very soft spot for his little daughter. Being born after several years of trying to conceive in vain Abby was the greatest treasure they ever received. Putting on a robe Elizabeth went in her dressing room and soon found a dress suitable for a picnic with her family.  
  
Elizabeth felt as sting as she thought of her boys who were away at present. Alex wasn't due to return home from Oxford for at least two weeks and Charles, Dominic and William were off to visit the Bingleys and Tysworth Hall. Suddenly she felt William's arms around her.  
  
"What is my pensive little wife thinking of?" His voice was close to her ear; she could feel his warm breath tingling her bare neck.  
  
"I'm thinking of the children... William, where is Abby?" Elizabeth brushed a tear from her cheek quickly.  
  
"Right here, Mama." Abby smiled, grabbing her mother's robe.  
  
"Elizabeth, my darling, you were thinking of the boys just now, weren't you?" He was massaging her tense shoulders motioning her to sit down so that Abby could climb up to her lap.  
  
Elizabeth sighed with pleasure at his touch, as usual he melted all the tension away. "Well, yes, I miss them. But I know, I'm acting like a goose. Missing my children who're just off for..." He silenced her with his finger covering her mouth.  
  
"Never think you're acting like a goose because you love our children. It's perfectly natural."  
  
"You don't think I'm foolish then?"  
  
"Why of course not, my love. You know what is foolish though?" His voice was trembling.  
  
"What?" She raised her eyebrows curiously.  
  
"I am missing your kisses!" He kissed her neck.  
  
"William!" Elizabeth blushed.  
  
"That's perfectly alright. Who's foolish now?" He gave her the grin he only had for her and Abby.  
  
"William, stop teasing me!"  
  
"Give me a kiss then," he challenged her with twinkling eyes.  
  
She obeyed him immediately.  
  
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A gleaming Mrs. Reynolds greeted Alex and Diana.  
  
"Oh, it's the young master! What a delightful surprise for us all! And he brings a lovely lady with him!"  
  
Alex embraced his old nanny lovingly.  
  
"It's good to be home again, Nanny. May I present Miss Diana Montgomery?"  
  
Diana curtsied and smiled.  
  
"I'm delighted to meet you," Mrs. Reynolds answered kindly.  
  
"Nanny, where are my parents and Abby?" Alex inquired.  
  
"They're outside somewhere, they went off for a picnic."  
  
Alex took Diana's hand and pulled her towards the door.  
  
"I know where they are, we'll find them."  
  
Just as he had thought he found his parents at the lake. His father was playing with Abby while his mother was sleeping in the sunshine. At the sight of his son he jumped to his feet and came towards the couple with a smile, Abby right at his heels.  
  
"Alex! We didn't expect you home until next week at least!" Then he turned towards his son's companion and his heart beamed at the sight of her. Her raven black hair fell down to her waist in huge curls, being a glorious contrast to her dark blue eyes; Darcy knew at once that her hair had a perfume of its own. Her gown, made of pink chiffon underlined her perfectly slender figure.  
  
"Father, may I present Miss Diana Montgomery?" Alex beamed with pride.  
  
"Miss Montgomery, I'm delighted to make your acquaintance. Please excuse my wife, she loves to sleep in the sun and so..."  
  
Just then Elizabeth stirred and beheld her husband talking to a girl whose face was flushed, whether it was due to the sun or to her husband's charms was hard to determine. 


	2. Chapter one The letters

For I have sinned - Chapter one  
  
Tysworth Hall had seen many summers and had been a home to many families but its reputation as a heavenly place was increasing with each year the Bingleys stayed there. It had not been the place where the family had wanted to stay but was meant to offer shelter after leaving Netherfield about fifteen years ago caused by a miscarriage which had caused mourning and sadness in the usually happy Bingley-household.  
  
With its firm brick walls and beautiful gardens it was everything Jane Bingley had wanted for her family and more. Kindly refusing to move into the big house waiting for them only a few months later was the best decision in their entire life, right after their marriage of course. The mansion contained a main building with two wings towards East and West with the main building being the oldest of the three. The other two buildings, smaller and more modest than the main buildings were used for guests, at present Elizabeth's sons used one of them, being in the constant company of the Bingleys' only child, Joanna.  
  
Good morning, my lovely wife!" Charles teased his still tired wife.  
  
Being a natural early riser Jane woke up with her husband at sunrise but today she felt tired and exhausted even after several hours of sleep. Before she could retaliate her husband's teasing a wave of nausea made her run for the privy, her throwing up was violent and shaking her to the core. Charles dashed out of bed and found his wife kneeling on the floor, breathing heavily.  
  
"Jane, my love, are you feeling better?" the concerned husband queried while wiping his wife's soiled mouth with a clean handkerchief.  
  
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Elizabeth felt a pang of uneasiness as she rose from her blanket to welcome her son home.  
  
"Mama!" Her son rushed to his mother and embraced her tightly. "How lovely you look!" he complimented her honestly.  
  
"Alex! I'm so glad you're home!" Her heart melted at her son's greeting, it was so good to have one of the children back home.  
  
Not willing to disturb the welcome between mother and son Diana remained with Alex's father and attempted some conversation.  
  
"Mr. Darcy, Pemberley is a delight. I believe these are the most ravishing grounds I ever had the honour to see." Her words were sincere.  
  
Darcy gave her a friendly smile, then he let his eyes wander from her stunning beauty to the glittering water of the lake. "This is a feeling that you and my wife share. It was right down there that I met her after months of separation only to love her even more." His mind went back to that fateful day over twenty years ago and the thought of him in a wrinkled wet shirt and her aghast look once more brought a smile to his lips.  
  
"Were you married already then?" the raven-haired beauty asked curiously.  
  
"No, we were.", his words were interrupted by his son's calling for his fiancé to meet his mother. Darcy's eyes followed her as she walked off, admiring her graceful movements.  
  
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Another wave of nausea brought more vomiting and less peace. Her chest went up and down rapidly as she was gasping for air. Bingley scooped her up in his arms and carried her back to their bed. Wiping away the sweat from her brow with a damp cloth he pressed her hand tenderly.  
  
"I'm sorry, Charles. I didn't want you to see.", her lips curled up, she was close to tears.  
  
"There is nothing to be sorry for my love. What I'm doing for you is nothing compared to what you're going through.again." His voice sounded sad even though he didn't want to put a damper on this present.  
  
"But we're not even sure if it's true. We were wrong so many times," Jane interjected quietly.  
  
"I'm sure. I can feel it, Jane." His smile was sincere.  
  
"I hope that I shall be able to carry our baby to full term this time." Jane's hopes were rising, she smiled faintly.  
  
"I'll always be here for you and help you with anything you need", he assured her, squeezing her hand a little.  
  
"I know!" Her voice was fair and at ease, Bingley couldn't help but kiss his wife's lips, the nausea didn't matter for an instant.  
  
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Days passed quickly at Pemberley and when they brought joy they flew by even faster. Celebrating her oldest son's arrival at home Elizabeth and Mrs. Reynolds had prepared a splendid dinner including all of Alex's favourite treats. Abby occupied her older brother for the entire evening until her mother decided to tuck her in for the night.  
  
"Abby, it's time for bed now," the concerned mother informed her daughter.  
  
Abby's eyes widened, her lips were curled up, she was close to a crying spell.  
  
"No go bed, Mama," the little girl blurted out.  
  
Elizabeth's features grew stern. "Abigail Georgiana Darcy!"  
  
"You heard Mama," Darcy agreed. "Come, Abby. We'll go upstairs and Papa will tell you a story!" He knew all the tricks to melt his daughter's resistance.  
  
"Story for me?" Abby wanted to be sure.  
  
"Why, yes of course. Only for my little girl. Now say 'Good night' to everybody!"  
  
"Not mad, Mama?" Abby kissed her mother lovingly.  
  
"No, Mama is not mad at you, Abby." Elizabeth had never been able to resist her daughter's charms.  
  
"Good night, little one!" Alex scooped her up in his arms and planted a kiss on her nose.  
  
"Night, Alex," Abby giggled at her brother. Not knowing how to approach Diana the little girl hesitated until Diana tried to follow Alex's example to take her in her arms. Abby squirmed out of her embrace and was clinging to her father who was completely puzzled at his daughter's rough treatment of her brother's future wife.  
  
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"Were you able to keep some food down today, my love?" Bingley asked his wife after they had retired from the family table.  
  
"Not much," Jane admitted, blushing at her own bad health.  
  
Taking his shivering wife in his arms Bingley vowed to make it easier for her. Jane had refused to see a doctor because the thought of being disappointed again was a heavy burden on her frail shoulders. Rocking her tenderly he decided that he would summon Dr. Nelson tomorrow to check on his wife. There was still the possibility of this not being a pregnancy but something else and he had to consider his wife's age.  
  
"You should have married a younger woman," she almost read his thoughts.  
  
"No, Jane. There is only one woman in the entire world that I want to be my wife. And that is you. From the moment I saw you I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Please, do not ever doubt my love for you." He stroke her abdomen carefully. "And this little one will have the most loving, most precious Mama in the world." Cradling his wife's fragile body in his arms he kissed her golden tresses.  
  
"I love you!" She snuggled closer to him and ran her fingers through the hair over his right ear.  
  
"I love you too, my darling wife," and caressing her belly he continued, "and I love our little one."  
  
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Darcy had no difficulties in getting his sleepy girl ready for bed. Not even brushing her teeth, something Abby resisted most strongly, was a problem for the loving father. Holding her in his arms he sat down in front of her crib rocking Abby slowly.  
  
"Story, Papa," Abby pleaded.  
  
"I made a promise to my little girl, didn't I?" Darcy teased her.  
  
"Yes, story now," Abby yawned.  
  
"Once upon a time there was a couple who had many boys but no little girl. They tried everything but the years passed and no little girl was given to them. Then the Mama was visited by a magician who promised her and the Papa a girl for one of their sons."  
  
Abby stirred violently. "I lost brother?" Her eyes watered.  
  
"Wait and listen, sweetheart," Darcy smiled.  
  
"Both said no and the magician disappeared. A year later the Mama got a little girl. The magician visited them again and told them that they got a baby girl because they loved their boys so much." Darcy concluded and gazing down he saw that Abby was sleeping peacefully in his embrace.  
  
As he was getting ready for bed Elizabeth embraced him from behind. Tilting back his head he breathed in her perfume and the sweet smell of her curls. Sighing he turned around in her arms and started kissing her. Her eyes, cheeks, mouth and throat felt ablaze at his touch, Elizabeth ran her slender fingers through his thick hair.  
  
"Remember what I asked you today?" he was close to the point of no return.  
  
"What?" Her voice sounded sultry.  
  
"How you keep me under your spell, my love," His voice was raspy.  
  
"If you'd rather be a free man." she played hard to get.  
  
"There is no other enchantress whose spell fills me with so much love" he responded stroking her bare shoulder.  
  
The thought of how Diana had looked at him during the picnic spoiled the moment. Pulling away from him she rearranged her nightgown and crawled under the covers. Slipping beneath the covers he pulled her close and attempted to continue their lovemaking.  
  
"Do you have any idea why Abby behaved so rudely towards Diana?" she finally broke the spell.  
  
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"How dare this little brat insult me like this?" Diana was trembling with rage.  
  
Attempting to soothe his fiancé Alex took her in his arms and taking a deep breath, tried to explain, "Abby is not used to girls, she is the youngest child with only four brothers. Give her time. And please do not call her brat. She is a sweet girl and I'm sure that you'll love her as much as I do."  
  
"I was saddened by her refusal to say Good night to me." Her voice trailed off, she was deeply ashamed.  
  
"Now, don't be upset. Just read a story to her or play hide and seek with her and Abby will adore you in no time." He tried to cheer her up.  
  
"Are you sure?" She wanted to be certain.  
  
Alex responded positively even though he was not completely convinced knowing Abby's forward nature. __________________________________________________________________________  
  
Darcy sighed and quit caressing his wife abruptly. "I have no idea!" His voice sounded bitter.  
  
His body tensed as she put her hand on his shoulder, his jaw was clenched in anger.  
  
"Do you like her, William?" Elizabeth pulled back her hand. Her tone was icy.  
  
"Why would you care?" he snapped, turning away.  
  
"I care!" her voice rose.  
  
"Fine!" he growled. "I think she's a pretty girl. She also seems to be quite witty."  
  
"Seems that you're quite smitten by her." She attempted humour.  
  
There was a blaze in his eyes for an instant, his jaw tightened even more.  
  
"William?" She felt uneasy.  
  
"It's nothing. I'm tired. Good night." He turned down the light and rolled away without kissing her good night.  
  
"Good night." she shot back curtly. It was the first time in years that she cried herself to sleep.  
  
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Just after sunrise an express dashed towards Pemberley carrying two letters for Mrs. Darcy. The family had shared an early breakfast was about to go outside as the letters were delivered. Elizabeth's spirits rose as she received one letter from Tysworth Hall and another one from Longbourn. Breaking her father's seal she started to read with anticipation. Darcy, who was watching her and hoping for good news beheld the rapid change of expression on his wife's face. Anguish was written on her lovely features, it was so dreadful that he thought it would break his heart. Rushing close to her side to hold her he saw her little hand sliding up to her throat pinching it violently. Tears welled up in her eyes, they way she gazed at him while not being able to utter a word pierced him to the heart. Just as he was about to ask her about the news while blaming himself for snapping at her previously he felt her faint in his arms dropping the fateful letter to the floor. The other letter remained unopened. 


	3. How do I love thee?

Chapter two  
  
i"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight For the ends of Being and ideal Grace. I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. I love thee freely, as men strive for Right; I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise. I love thee with the passion put to use In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith. I love thee with a love I seemed to lose With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath, Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death."/i (-Elizabeth Barrett Browning)  
  
Alex, Diana and Abby were walking down to the lake while Elizabeth read the letter and thus unaware of the news. The young couple walked arm in arm with Abby in front of them trying to catch a butterfly. "How do you like my parents, my love?" Alex queried enjoying his fiancé's company. Diana hesitated for a moment and, walking on, smiled rather blandly at this old question. "Well, I met them only yesterday and I'm pleased by them. They're good people and seem to care about you very much." Satisfied with her answer Alex walked on. "Have you tried to win over Abby yet? Why not play hide and seek with her as soon as we've reached the lake?" Diana's face fell for an instant but she regained her composure quickly. "Well, I'm sure that I'd enjoy that. The lake surely offers a lot of places to hide." The smile gracing her response was smug, her eyes were telling a different story.  
  
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The feeling of her limp body in his arms was terrifying, he took two steps at once to carry her upstairs to their bedroom. A frightened Mrs. Reynolds followed him carrying the opened letter. While gently laying her on their bed he sent Mrs. Reynolds to fetch some water and a sponge plus his wife's rarely used smelling salts. So much did he worry for his wife that he didn't even read the letter that upset her so. When Mrs. Reynolds brought him the things he had asked for he begged her to go downstairs to prepare some chicken broth. "Lizzy, my love, I'm so sorry I hurt you so. I didn't mean it, I don't know what possessed me to treat you like this! Please wake up! Come back to me, I need you so!" His voice was breaking with fear. Finally the sponging and the smelling salts did the trick to revive her, her cheeks had regained their colour slowly as she opened her eyes. William hushed her tenderly as she attempted to speak but her gaze was adamant. "William, did you read the letter?" she asked weakly. "No, I was far too worried about you to read it. Do you want me to read it now?" "No, just hold me for a while." Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she beheld the letter. Without a response he wrapped her body in a strong embrace, the smell of his cologne and his pounding heart calmed her somewhat. Feeling his lips in on her forehead she tilted back her head to claim his lips in a desperate kiss, expressing her need for closeness and the safety only his arms could give her. "Please, Lizzy, I can't bear this!" he pleaded between kisses. "Neither can I!" Her voice was quivering. His hands slowly pulled the pins out of her hair letting it flow down her back in cascades of glossy curls. "Elizabeth, I need to know. Please, I beg you!" Despite his growing desire he moved away from her but he kept her hands in his. "Please, tell me what's troubling you. What is in this letter? I promise I'll do anything to fix it, just tell me what it is." Elizabeth's eyes watered at this moving speech. Slowly she shook her head and wiped away her tears with one hand, Darcy could feel the moisture in his own hands as she reclaimed them. "Not even you can fix it this time." she gulped. He waited for her to continue holding her hands patiently. "It's... It's father...." she finally managed to say.  
  
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"Aunt Jane! Aunt Jane!" Dominic Darcy called for his aunt, waving three fishes he had caught previously. Jane, despite her feeling rather sick, had accompanied them outside to watch the children and her own daughter. "Here I am!" she called back from the flower-field where she was cutting flowers with her maid Bess. "Watch this! I caught our dinner!" Dominic raved. The sight of the fish and their smell turned her stomach and she vomited on the ground. Bess, knowing her mistress for over fifteen years held her head and kept her hair out of the way. "Aunt Jane, I'm sorry!" Dominic apologized. "No, my dear, it's nothing. You did nothing wrong. It was my fault to come outside feeling sick. Congratulations on your success." "You sure don't look well. Do you want me to fetch Uncle Charles?" He supported her by holding her hand and carrying the fresh flowers. "Yes, please do!" Her voice trailed off as another wave of nausea forced itself upon her. Tears were stinging in her eyes as she wiped away the sweat and the rest, she hoped that Lizzy had received her letter in time. Finally she saw Charles approaching her, carrying a letter. Jane hoped with all her might that it was her sister's response even though it was unlikely.  
  
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"Alright, little sister! Since you found us in no time it's your turn to hide now. Make sure that it won't be too easy!" Abby bounced up and down in excitement. "Count now, Alex. I hide far away!" With that she dashed off towards the lake. "Be careful!" Alex cried after her while Diana bit her nails in frustration at this childish game.  
  
Darcy could see how much it cost her to tell him everything and decided that it was best just to be there and give her strength while she struggled with herself. "Father had a heart attack. It was three days ago and the entire house is in confusion. He... H-he asks for me and wrote this letter while he was feeling better. Please... take a look." She handed him the letter. Darcy's experienced eyes noticed the ill writing immediately. Having received many letters from his father in law in the past the change was all the more drastic. The writing had lost its boldness and strength, it appeared like the scribbling of a young child. Mr. Bennet was reasonable enough to tell his daughter the truth. He was lying on his deathbed, there was no doubt. The heart attack was followed by pneumonia, a disease that was fatal most of the times it hit. "You must go there, I'll accompany you." As usual he had read her thoughts. "Oh William, would you? There is so much to do here... And our guest..." He silenced her with a tender kiss. "I'm sure that Miss Diana will understand. And as for my business, it'll have to wait." He sounded resolute. "You're sure?" She had to be certain. He grasped her hand and kissed each of her fingers softly. "No need to ask, you know me for so long. You'll wait here and I'll have Mrs. Reynolds pack your things." She made a move to protest. "No, please trust me. You need to rest. We'll leave Pemberley this afternoon after you've rested." He helped her into her nightgown and pulled the covers over her. "Elizabeth, do you trust me?" "With my life!" Her response was ardent. He kissed her once more. "Sleep now, there is a lot in store for you." He turned to leave. "William!" "Yes?" He answered from the door. "Thank you for loving me." "Mine is the blessing." He closed the door slowly and went downstairs, not ready to give in to his own hurt as yet.  
  
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In the meanwhile Alex and Diana were searching for Abby. They had checked all her favourite hiding places and still there was no sign of the little girl. "Where can she be? Mama will be scared to death if we return without Abby!" Alex sounded dreadfully worried. Diana shrugged it off curtly. "If you had paid more attention to me instead of playing with that little tramp we might never have lost her!" Her voice was whiny and hard at the same time. Alex froze on the spot at her words. "Diana, I never meant to hurt you, I only wanted you and Abby to get along. Please, I'm sorry if I neglected you. Will you help me to find her now?" Diana's face softened at his pleading tone for she was sure now that she still held the first place in Alex's heart. She smiled and patted his arm gently. "We'll find her. I couldn't bear to disappoint your...", she hesitated for a moment and then continued, "..parents by returning without their little darling." 


	4. Grow to my lip, thou sacred kiss

Chapter three  
  
i"Grow to my lip, thou sacred kiss, On which my soul's beloved swore That there should come a time of bliss, When she would mock my hopes no more; And fancy shall thy glow renew, In sighs at morn, and dreams at night, And none shall steal thy holy dew Till thou 'rt absolv'd by rapture's rite. Sweet hours that are to make me blest Oh! fly, like breezes, to the goal, And let my love, my more than soul, Come panting to this fever'd breast; And while in every glance I drink The rich o'erflowings of her mind, Oh! let her all impassion'd sink, In sweet abandonment resign'd, Blushing for all our struggles past, And murmuring 'I am thine at last!/i (Thomas More) "Bess, please send Aurelia for some water and a blanket. I'm not feeling well." Jane asked kindly. The girl with the unusual name was Bess' sixteen-year-old daughter, her only child. Despite her being born out of wedlock Jane had grown to love her like her own daughter. Bess, eternally grateful to Jane for not deserting her in her moment of disgrace, had vowed to look after Mrs. Bingley as long as she lived. Aurelia lived a simple life, Joanna Bingley being her only friend. Working as Joanna's maid was simple and comfortable because Joanna, being a tomboy and raised by two of the kindest souls in the land, didn't require her service a lot, she was decided to become as independent and strong as her beloved aunt Lizzy. "I'm coming, Mistress Jane!" she made her presence known. Mother and daughter carefully wrapped Jane in a blanket and carried her to a comfortable chair outside the flower-field. Just as Jane refreshed herself with a glass of water her husband returned home, Dr. Nelson was with him. "Thank you, my child. Charles, I'm so glad that you came. Did Dominic tell you?" Jane made an effort to get up to greet them but Bingley kept her in her chair with gentle force. "Tell me what?" Bingley was concerned. "That he caught a lot of fish!" Jane fibbed. "Dr. Nelson, excuse me for not greeting you until now. Welcome to Tysworth Hall." Kissing her hand affectionately the old doctor greeted his favourite patient warmly. "Mrs. Bingley, how are you doing today?" His concern was all too obvious. Jane shot a questioning glance at her husband, then she returned her attention to the doctor's question. Her shoulders slumped as she spoke. "To tell the truth, I'm feeling uncomfortable and sick at times." she revealed. "Then it'll be best to examine you just a little. Never fear, I'm sure that it's nothing to worry about!" "Very well then, Aurelia, would you help me to get inside?"  
  
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"Alex! Alex! Look out there! I think it's..." Diana couldn't finish the sentence as she pushed her fiancé towards the upper part of the lake, which was nourished by a stream. The lifeless body of a little girl was floating in the water, her forehead was badly bruised. Seeing her fiancé transfixed to the ground as he kept staring at his sister Diana ripped of her shoes and petticoats and jumped into the cold water. Within instants she had grabbed Abby by the shoulders and carried her outside. The biting wind and the cold air made her shiver. "Alex! She's still breathing! But her hands..." Her voice broke off. Alex dashed towards her, his shock being finally over. "What about her hands?" His voice was shrill with fear. "They're frostbitten!" Darcy was just about to go back upstairs to comfort his wife as he heard his son calling his name in terror. As he glanced towards the door leading outside his eyes widened at what he saw. The doors flew open and a soaking Diana rushed in, How can she still be so beautiful, even when her appearance is ruffled like this?" was his first thought. Alex followed at her heels carrying the lifeless body of his daughter. Within a second Darcy bolted down the stairs he had just ascended and took Abby in his arms. "What happened? Why is she unconscious? Alex, I demand an explanation!" the worried father ordered sternly. Diana answered without being asked. "Mr. Darcy, we were playing hide and seek with her and when we couldn't find her for so long we grew worried and started to look everywhere. We finally found her in the lake, I pulled her out of the water." She beamed at him, brushing her moist locks out of her face. Darcy's dark eyes burned themselves into his son's bright ones even though he was responding to Diana. "Miss Diana, I don't know how much I can thank you for saving our Abigail. I'll carry her upstairs and have Mrs. Reynolds take care of the bruises. How did she get them anyway?" "We don't know." Diana touched his arm quietly. "I pray that she'll get well!" He placed his hand on hers on his arm and squeezed it. "You're freezing. It's urgent that you go and change. I'll take care of Abby." Darcy said turning back towards the stairs. "Mr. Darcy!" Diana called him back. "Yes?" "Her fingers... I'm sorry, but they're frostbitten!" Darcy's eyes once more flew to his son, the anger raging in them was now boundless. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________  
  
Elizabeth woke up from her unusual nap and, for a moment, didn't remember why she was resting. But as the memories came back she felt her heart aching forcefully. Getting up from the bed she shared with her husband and, sometimes, with Abby, she put on a robe and decided to go downstairs to ask for the broth Mrs. Reynolds had prepared. Just as she was about to open the door her husband rushed in with Abby in his arms. His eyes said everything she needed to know.  
  
"William!" Her eyes widened. Running after him she followed him to their bed where he had laid down Abby and started to undress her. It was like a punch in the stomach to the young mother to see her little girl like this. Two bad bruises were on her forehead, her entire body was shivering and she was soaking wet. Once again she repeated her husband's name.  
  
"William! What happened?" Elizabeth rushed to a drawer to fetch a warm nightgown and a thick blanket.  
  
"She fell into the lake while playing hide and seek. Diana pulled her out. Dear Lord, Elizabeth, look at her fingers!"  
  
"Frostbite!" Elizabeth's heart hammered in her chest. "She must have been floating in the lake for hours!"  
  
"Wrap her in this blanket and lay her in front of the fire. I'll go and send for the doctor. Lizzy, there are other ways to treat frostbite than..." He was choking on the words.  
  
"You must not even ithink/i that! Abby will be fine!"  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ _____  
  
"Good God, Diana, what am I to do? I am to blame for this!" Alex was distraught.  
  
"You're inot/i to blame! Not more than I anyway!" Diana's words were kind but her voice adamant. "You don't know father as I do. I've never seen him look at me with so much hatred in his eyes!" Alex's shoulders slumped as he spoke. "It was the fear speaking, at he's mad at himself that he couldn't protect the girl. Avoid him for a while, give him time to think. I promise you that all will be well." She clasped his hands in hers and kissed him. "Are you sure?" He asked like the child he still was in his heart. "Yes, I am. Now go upstairs and rest. I'll be up later." Her eyes followed him as he ascended the stairs. When he was out of sight she sighed heavily and followed him to change her dress. *** When she came downstairs about twenty minutes later she almost bumped into Mrs. Reynolds. "I'm sorry, Miss. I just came from the Master..." "Where is he, Mrs. Reynolds?" Diana glowed at her. "He's in the library. I couldn't even get him to drink some tea. Oh, it's dreadful!" Mrs. Reynolds gazed down at the tray in her hands. "Give me that tray, I'll get it to him." Diana offered. "But he already refused..." "Trust me!" Diana smiled. "I'll get him to drink the tea." After a moment of hesitation Mrs. Reynolds handed the tray over to Diana. After the old woman was out of sight Diana put aside the tray and picked up the second letter Elizabeth had dropped previously. Reading it she found nothing interesting in it and hid it in her dress. Finally she took a deep breath, grabbed the tray and knocked at the door of the library. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________ Finally Dr. Nelson had finished his examination but the look he gave the concerned couple wasn't too encouraging. "Mrs. Bingley, it's certain beyond the shade of a doubt that you're with child. And that you're healthy. The baby is about two months along. You'll need complete rest, no lifting, no running and no excitement. There is your age and the former miscarriage to consider. Will you promise me to be most careful and to get help as soon as possible?" The Bingleys nodded in agreement, beaming at each other. "I'll leave you now but I'll be back in a week to check on you. No, thanks, I'll see myself out." "Oh Charles, isn't this just delightful?" Bingley had not seen his wife as happy ever since she had given birth to Joanna. And while the happy parents couldn't believe God's kindness to bless them with another baby the letter Charles had brought for Jane remained unopened and uncared for. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________ "Enter!" His voice sounded bitter to her ears. Putting down the tray quietly she approached his chair from behind. It was clear that he was thinking that she was Mrs. Reynolds trying to serve him her tea again. His entire body was tense and he looked even more severe. Silently she placed one of her hands on his shoulder and awaited his reaction. Darcy had been sent out by the doctor to await the result of the examination of his daughter and the library was just the right refuge for him. Suddenly he smelled a sweet scent and felt a soothing, yet stirring presence in the room. He barely tensed when he felt her hand. "When will you finally forgive yourself?" Diana's voice was husky and strong at the same time. 


	5. Belle

Chapter four  
  
iBelle, is the only word I know that suits her well When she smiles oh, the stories she can tell A free bird try out her wings to fly away And when I see her move I see the hell to pray  
  
She looks right into my soul and sleep won't come And it's no use to pray this prayers to Notre Dame Tell, who'd be the first to raise his hand and throw a stone I'd hang him high and laugh to see him die alone Oh Lucifer, please let me go beyond god's love And run my fingers through her hair, oh my love!  
  
Belle, there is a demon inside her who came from hell And he turned my eyes from god, oh, I fell He put this inside me I'm ashamed to tell Without my god inside I'm just a burning shell...  
  
The sin of Eve she has in her I know so well For want of her I know I'd give my soul to sell Belle, this alluring angel, is there a soul beneath her skin And oh she bears the cross of all our human sin Oh Notre Dame please let me go beyond god's love Open the door of love inside her innocent heart!  
  
Belle, even though her eyes seem to lead us to hell She may be more pure more pure than the words can tell But when she smiles feelings come no man can quell Beneath her rainbow coloured eyes there burns the well  
  
My promised one please let me one time be untrue Before in front of god and man I marry you Who would be the man who'd turn from her to save his soul To be with her I'd let the devil take me whole I am a man who knows no love I go to open up the rose of her precious soul!  
  
She looks right into my soul and sleep won't come And it's no use to pray this prayers to Notre Dame Tell, who'd be the first to raise his hand and throw a stone I'd hang him high and laugh to see him die alone Oh Lucifer, please let me go beyond god's love And run my fingers through her hair, oh my love!/i  
  
(Originally by Cocciante and Plamondon, a few changes in the text by the author)  
  
Elizabeth held her little girl while the doctor examined her hands, hoping for the best. Finally Dr. Brook had finished his examination and turned towards the shaking mother to give his verdict. "Mrs. Darcy, how long has she been floating in the water?" Elizabeth's shoulders slumped, she felt tears welling in her eyes as she thought of her baby freezing all alone with no one to help her. "I don't know. I wasn't with her... I can't tell..." Her voice broke and her tears flowed freely. "Now, now..." Dr. Brook tried to soothe the agitated mother. "I'm sorry, Doctor Brook. I just don't know..." She forced herself to speak steadily. "According to the state of the frostbite she must have been in the water for hours. But what I find to be more disturbing are the bruises on her forehead." Elizabeth embraced Abby tighter. "What do you mean?" Her heart was racing. "It is clear that they were caused neither by a fall nor by any other natural means. Someone hit her on the head and whoever did it, had low motives so to speak..." "Doctor, do you know what you're saying? Who'd hurt an innocent child like this? Abby never harmed anyone! Are you sure that she didn't get them by falling or slipping?" Dr. Brook shook his head sternly. "There is no doubt in my mind, I'm sorry. There are more bruises on her arms, as if she had been struggling with her assailant..." Elizabeth cried out, her hand flew to her mouth to stifle her hurt but the picture the doctor had created remained with her even though she kept her eyes shut to avoid it. Pangs of guilt filled her heart, why did she let Abby go with Alex and Diana so that she could read her letters by herself? And now her baby had been hurt, her precious child had been attacked and left for dead by someone who had no qualms of making an innocent child his victim. "Dr. Brook, will the frostbite heal? What can we do? Please tell me that you won't have to..." She choked on these words. "Well, you know that it is severe. But I won't operate as yet because there have been cases where special treatments worked well. But before you get your hopes raised up too high I have to tell you that the risk you'd be undertaking is high. If the treatments won't work in a matter of days she might lose her entire hands or even an arm as a result." "What are the treatments exactly?" Elizabeth felt her hopes rising. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________ It took an instant until her words broke through to his heart and mind. Bolting up from his chair he let forth a moan or something coming close to that sound, Diana had never heard anything that came close to this intensity. Turning around abruptly he was holding his shoulder, it felt as if her touch had burned a hole in his skin. "Miss Diana, you startled me!" As he saw her approaching him he stepped back towards the fireplace. "There is nothing to forgive!" he flared up as he felt his temper rising at her boldness. But she just smiled smoothly. "Are you certain?" Her glance mellowed his defence. "If you're talking about Abby, no, I'm not blaming myself. Or am I? Miss Diana, what do you want of me?" Never in his life had he been approached this boldly, not even by Elizabeth. Her guts arose his admiration and disdain at the same time. "To be of help to you!" Her voice was just a whisper. If he started with his feelings about today's incident that was just fine. "There is no help and there never will be!" he snapped and turned away from her. He wanted peace, he wanted these nagging doubts and questions to stop, he wanted to feel Elizabeth's warm arms around him, to hear her soothing voice.... She made another step towards him and stretched out her arm. "Now there is!" she murmured. Not knowing how to react at this he turned around to face her. For a moment she could see his eyes brighten and his features soften but as he met her glance his face won back its severity. "Miss Diana, let me try to solve this with civility. What makes you say such words to a man you barely know? Who gives you the right to treat me, a man of your father's age, like an impudent boy?" She did not flinch at all, Darcy couldn't help but admire her. She was as bold as she was beautiful. "You're engaged to my son, he loves you. So what makes you think that you can address me this boldly?" Her arm sank as did her eyes. "If I have offended you in any way, I beg your pardon. What I did was kindly meant, I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." Her voice didn't betray any sentiment. Darcy hated it to be cornered and this woman was a master at twisting around other people's words. For Alex's sake he wanted to remain friendly with her. "No offence was taken. But what made you come to me instead of being with your betrothed?" Darcy regretted his question as soon as he had uttered the words. Her response was like a bolt of fire. "I came because I know that you're lonely." ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________  
  
"The treatments are simple but very painful. It consists of bathing your daughter's hands in water, the temperature of the water must be raised with time. It will hurt and there might be some scenes but this is the only treatment that can heal her fingers without damaging the tissue for good. Do you feel up to this?" Elizabeth didn't hesitate for a moment. "Yes, we shall do it. How much time do we have to apply the treatments?" "Between three and five days. If the tissue hasn't regained it's natural colour until then I'll have to operate." Elizabeth nodded. "Well, I suppose we should get started now. Let me fetch my husband to tell him about our course. He'll have to give her the treatments while I'm gone." A little tear flowed down her cheek. "You mean you'll leave?" The doctor was aghast. "It is my duty... You see, my father is dying and he asks for me... Dr. Brook, what is it?" Elizabeth began to tremble with fear. "Mrs. Darcy, I have no intention of scaring you but do you know how critical your daughter's situation is?"  
  
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For a moment Darcy was left speechless. He couldn't think of any response and his head was aching horribly. As much as he tried he couldn't fight it off, the strange feelings she had stirred within him were too powerful. "If you'll excuse me," he cried out, "I have to see my wife." She merely nodded, seeing the struggle he was fighting. Watching him rush out of the room she turned away from the door and approached the fireplace. With a deep sigh she removed the letter from her bosom and threw it into the fire. Then she got up and left the library quietly. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________  
  
Ascending the stairs that led to their bedroom only one sentence echoed in Darcy's mind. iI came because I know that you're lonely!/i As much as he tried he couldn't figure out what she had meant. The more he saw of her the more he wanted to know. She had entered his home as a beautiful stranger and thus far he had found out nothing about her. Shrugging it off he thought of Abby. His lovely little girl waiting for him to be comforted. Even though he dreaded the outcome he entered the bedroom with much vigour and determination. The picture unfolding there was gripping. There was his wife, his precious Elizabeth, holding Abby while she listened to Dr. Brook. He cleared his throat to make his presence know.  
  
"Mrs. Darcy I shall leave you to your husband now. No, thank you Sir, I shall see myself out." He closed the door softly. "Elizabeth..." Just saying her name in her presence soothed his spirits. Elizabeth came towards him carrying Abby in her arms. "There are good news!" She smiled through a mist of tears. "Dr. Brook said that he won't operate for a few days and offered treatments to heal Abby's fingers instead." Elizabeth filled him in gently. After she had told him everything she gave him a glance of weary sadness. Without a word he took Abby from her and carried her to their bed while holding Elizabeth's hand. He felt so exhausted, so incredibly tired... Turning to his wife he cupped her beautiful face in his hands and kissed her lingeringly. Feeling her arms around his neck he breathed in her sweet scent and kissed her again, this time with more hunger and desire. "Elizabeth, you'll never stop loving me, will you?" he asked at her lips. "What makes you ask this? There is no way I could ever stop loving you." She tilted back her head for another kiss. "Not even if you found out that I was... that I iam/i fallible like every man?" His words were urgent. Elizabeth ran her fingers through his thick hair and gave him a glowing smile. "That is why I love you all the more!" "My heart song, my beloved..." Finally he gave her the kiss she was craving for, both of them were in need of comfort that only their soul mates could give. After a delirious moment of happiness Elizabeth pulled away from him but did not pull back her hands as he grasped them. His gaze was enigmatic to her. "William, there is something I haven't told you yet..." she began uneasily. "What do you mean?" His grip started to hurt. "Abby has fallen into a coma and might not wake up again. There is a bump on the back of her head..." her voice trailed off. 


	6. The shadow

Chapter five "Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand  
  
Henceforward in thy shadow. Nevermore  
  
Alone upon the threshold of my door  
  
Of individual life, I shall command  
  
The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand  
  
Serenely in the sunshine as before,  
  
Without the sense of that which I forbore--  
  
Thy touch upon the palm. The widest land  
  
Doom takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine  
  
With pulses that beat double. What I do  
  
And what I dream include thee, as the wine  
  
Must taste of its own grapes. And when I sue  
  
God for myself, He hears that name of thine,  
  
And sees within my eyes the tears of two."  
  
(Elizabeth Barrett Browning) Charles Bingley enjoyed nothing more than pampering his beloved wife. Ever since he had heard that she was with child again he was determined to look after her with the utmost care. Jane, enjoying herself, spent most of her time with Aurelia. The young woman had become more of a daughter to her than a servant girl. Aurelia wasn't just a pretty girl but also in the middle of her education. The Bingleys had insisted on providing for Bess' daughter, she should have a wonderful future. Bingley had returned from a meeting with his steward and, after entering her room quietly, took delight in watching the women who were part of his life. There was his wife; as usual she was doing some needlework but this time it was for the baby... He smiled at this thought. Then there was his wild daughter Joanna. She had always been more of a tomboy and neither Jane nor he could truly blame their child for wanting to be like her lovely aunt Lizzy. And then there was Aurelia. A shy lovely girl, always ready to help and known for her kindness. As he watched her drawing a picture he noticed how much she had matured in the passed months. Her hair was reddish; it was similar to the colour of copper. This hair truly was unique among blonde and dark haired girls. Her eyes were green, a lovely sea green without a spot of brown or blue. Her features were soft but not strikingly beautiful, even though she could easily find her way into a man's heart with a face as fascinating as hers. He remembered her when she was but a toddler of two summers. As early as then she had showed her compassion and kindness, following her beloved guardian's best example. Jane had always enjoyed looking after Aurelia and over the years a bond had grown between them. Whenever anyone in the Bingley-household was sad they turned to Aurelia whose calm nature and compassionate eyes warmed up every situation. After years of fruitless attempts to conceive another child Jane's only delight except her family was spending time with Aurelia. The girl with the old Roman name had become a treasure beyond price at Tysworth Hall. "Good evening!" Bingley greeted his family liltingly. "Welcome home, Charles!" Jane responded affectionately. Aurelia greeted the man she loved like a father with a delighted smile and handed him her picture. Bingley's eyes widened at her art. What a great talent this precious girl had. And without being taught much! "Why this is Tysworth Hall and the garden! You drew this all by yourself?" He was astonished. Aurelia blushed and avoided his admiring glance. Nodding she smiled awkwardly. "Yes, I did. You think it comes close to the original?" "Aurelia, no master could have drawn this better than you! No, I'm serious, don't look away. We should support your talent further!" Aurelia, who loved her art-lessons more than anything else, was beaming with joy. "Y-You think I may have a talent for painting?" Her words were whispered. No, you definitely have a talent for painting. My girl, do you want me to talk to Mr. Davis to teach you everything he knows? It would be my pleasure!" Bingley was in his element. He and his family were known among the poor as "the angels of Tysworth Hall". Nothing delighted him more than supporting those in need. And to see this precious girl glowing with happiness at his offer was all the thanks he needed. Aurelia gulped with joy. Finally she was able to speak but her words were barely audible for she feared if she spoke them out loud everything would turn out to be a dream. "You would do that for me? I don't deserve it..." She lowered her eyes. "Of course you deserve it, my dear. You've been such a wonderful companion to all of us, Joanna loves you like a sister and the Darcy-boys are all in love with you already!" He smiled a knowing smile. Indeed, ever since Darcy's boys had arrived at Tysworth Hall Aurelia had been adored by them. It just came naturally to love her. Bingley had never seen anything than a second daughter in her and, indeed, had mentioned her and her mother in his will. Forgetting all modesty Aurelia flew into her "father's" arms and thanked him with tears in her eyes. "Now, there is no need to cry. Run off and find the boys. And I'll show this to Jane. I also have several letters from her family for her..." Aurelia smiled once more and after kissing Jane dashed off to find the Darcy-children. For a moment Bingley's eyes remained fixed to the spot where Aurelia had run out of sight but he finally managed to tear himself off this reverie. There were two letters. One from Pemberley and another one from Longbourn, they both seemed to be important. ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________  
  
As Diana opened the door leading to Alex's bedchamber she couldn't find him anywhere. Without any sign of fear she went downstairs again for it didn't take much thinking to imagine where he was spending his time. And truly she did find him in the kitchen, calming himself with a sip of brandy. Her movements were so fast that it was over before he noticed that she had entered the room. Snatching the glass from him she let forth a tirade of angry words. "Don't you have anything else on your mind? What good will this do? Do you want your family to see you drunk? It isn't a pleasant sight!" She smashed the glass by throwing it against the wall where it left ugly spots. "Diana!" Alex jumped to his feet. "What?" she flared up. "Nothing..." The stamina was no longer audible in his voice. Her voice barely softened at this sight of torment. "Do you think you can undo the frostbite by drowning in self-pity and gloom? Is that the man who asked me to marry him in front of all the students of the university? Alex, it's time for you to grow up!" There wasn't a hint of affection or kindness in her voice. It was the first time that her presence weighed heavily on his mind, it felt like being dragged down further and he had no need for further pain. Suddenly he felt her shaking him violently. "Alex! Are you listening to me?" Her voice and hands sent bolts of fire through his entire body. Grabbing her by the shoulders he pulled her close and took possession of her full lips. "Now what was that?" Her eyes were fiery slits. "You're driving me insane! Diana! Good God, how much I love you!" Suddenly she smiled a seductive smile. "If you'll excuse me, I'm tired and I want to look pretty tomorrow." She squirmed out of his grasp and patted his cheek. "I'll see you in the morning!" Her hand was holding the doorknob. "No! Wait!" ____________________________________________________________________________ ____________________ Darcy held on to his wife in despair. What she had told him was like his worst nightmares coming true. But her situation was all the more lamentable. Being forced to decide between her father and her unconscious baby was a burden far too heavy for her slender shoulders. Why does God have to punish her? Her of all people! his mind cried out. "Elizabeth, am I to understand that you'll have to make a choice between Abby and your father?" He could see tears glittering in her eyes. With so much on his mind he had barely noticed how exhausted she looked. Elizabeth turned back to Abby as if her glancing at her baby could wake her up. "I suppose I'll have to make that choice. There is no way out of it... The treatments and watching over her is the duty of her mother...." Her hand finally found his and held it firmly. "And her father, my dear. I'll do anything I can do to bring her back to life. You must believe that Abby will get well. Do not give up!" Elizabeth's face hardened, anger was shaking her voice as she responded. "I shall never give up!" she hissed. "You have many people to help you with everything that needs to be done. Alex, me, Mrs. Reynolds and..." He suddenly hesitated. "And Diana..." Elizabeth finished the sentence. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________  
  
Meanwhile Bingley had handed the mail to his wife and was about to leave for a cup of wine as he heard her gasp with horror. A few quick steps led him back to his wife whose fingers were clutched in the material covering her abdomen. Her face was distorted terribly. "Fetch Bess! Quickly! And.... and Aurelia! We must save..." With that she fainted quietly. Bingley carried her over to a sofa and without even thinking of the content of the letters ran off to find Bess and her daughter. 


	7. My future will not copy fair my past

Chapter six 'My future will not copy fair my past'---  
  
I wrote that once; and thinking at my side  
  
My ministering life-angel justified  
  
The word by his appealing look upcast  
  
To the white throne of God, I turned at last,  
  
And there, instead, saw thee, not unallied  
  
To angels in thy soul! Then I, long tried  
  
By natural ills, received the comfort fast,  
  
While budding, at thy sight, my pilgrim's staff  
  
Gave out green leaves with morning dews impearled.  
  
I seek no copy now of life's first half:  
  
Leave here the pages with long musing curled,  
  
And write me new my future's epigraph,  
  
New angel mine, unhoped for in the world! "Yes?" Diana turned away from the door and gave him a ravishing smile. Feeling his eyes wandering over her slender body she tossed her head and shot a piercing glance right into his heart. Her raven black glossy hair, the sparkling eyes, now smouldering with passions only waiting to be fulfilled remained as bold as they had always been. Diana had never been a woman known for her modesty or quietness. Instead of casting her eyes down she encouraged his passionate glances through long black eyelashes and seeing him not making the first move she came towards him and placed her delicate hands on his shoulders. Startled at her softness at first Alex breathed in her natural perfume and, dazzled by the feeling of white-hot passion burning in his chest at her touch found he locked in her glance of desire. Being brought up in a noble family he had been taught that women were to be treated with respect and always fitting to propriety. Society blessed little tokens but nothing more than flowers, bonbons or little ribbons; there was no harm in loving glances, modest kisses being shared in private or romantic walks under the watchful eye of a chaperone. But Diana was nothing like that at all. Being raised by some rather indifferent relatives after losing her parents and brother in a carriage wreck she detested all those prim and proper boys and was known to be quite a forward girl. Even the circumstances that had led to her betrothal had had the entire town buzzing, not to mention Alex's university. Being asked for her hand in marriage in public and accepting it with as much vigour as she had done surely didn't do a thing to smooth some ruffled feathers. Not that Diana cared one bit what the ton thought of her. She was engaged to Alexander Darcy, oldest son of Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley, and that was all that mattered to her. Pursing her lips she brought her face closer to his and when their lips met she felt her body tingling... Yet her mind was elsewhere... Her mind was with a pair of dark eyes glaring at her sternly only to heighten her desire. A little moan escaped her lips at this thought and, yearning for satisfaction, her body was spooned against her fiancé. Tilting back her head she felt his hungry lips fluttering against her collarbone, her neck and her bare shoulder... It had escaped her notice that he had ripped her bodice over her shoulder in his excitement. Tightening her embrace she allowed him to caress her further, in the meantime she planned the endeavours of the following days. Never before had she inflamed him so. Her anger, the fury blazing in her wild eyes only made her the more desirable to him. Encouraged by her kisses he caressed her with the vigour of a thirsty man lusting for a drop of water. She was his aqua vitae, the only woman he could ever love. Through her he had learned that love was more than blushing and stuttered compliments, that desire was natural and a part of their love. Had he known that even the most intelligent woman couldn't have learned as much by just thinking and reading he might have reacted differently. Like this he attributed her fiery lovemaking to her tempestuous nature, her eagerness to please and love. Had it occurred to him that the woman in his arms wasn't thinking about him despite her eager reactions to his advances the outcome would have been disastrous. ____________________________________________________________________________ ______________ "William, are you alright?" Elizabeth asked noticing the shade that had crossed her husband's features. "I beg your pardon?" He was far too absorbed in thoughts of her to pay attention. "I asked if you're alright? You don't look well... If you became sick too..." Her lips started to quiver. For a moment he loathed himself, how on earth was it possible that by mentioning her name only his mind was so deeply disturbed? Was it possible that the misfortunes that had plagued his family recently had weakened his strength? For a second he caught himself blaming her for all the ills that had befallen his loved ones. Not unlike a demon she had come to Pemberley, only destruction on her mind and so far she had succeeded. But he dismissed this notion after an instant for it was too foolish. Why then was he still plagued by those nagging doubts? Who was she? Why had she come into his life? And now he had hurt Elizabeth by thinking of his son's future wife! Had the circumstances been different it would have been laughable. Now all he felt was a bitter aftertaste. "No, I'm alright, my love. It has been a tough day, my love. I believe that it'll be best to go to bed now." Elizabeth nodded but she wasn't convinced. Regarding her husband her intuition had rarely failed her and here everything was screaming Danger! but she couldn't put her finger on it. "We'll have to do the treatments first. I'll go to the kitchen and fetch some water. Poor Mrs. Reynolds is far too worried to do it by herself." Elizabeth rose to her feet but he barred the way sternly. "You're completely exhausted. No, don't even try to convince me. Get ready for bed and I'll fetch the water." Elizabeth smiled thankfully. "Thank you for taking care of us so well..." His face darkened at her remark but seeing her loving smile the iron grip around his heart lightened. Swallowing hard he smiled back. "It's a pleasure!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As he descended the stairs he felt much better. Abby would get well and Elizabeth might still be in time to see her father. They would have to write a letter to Longbourn explaining everything... He had already sent a letter to Tysworth Hall informing Jane and Bingley of everything that had occurred since Diana had arrived at Pemberley but the letter to Longbourn would be even worse... As he opened the door to the kitchen he felt a sting in his heart at the sight revealed by doing so. Memories buried as deeply as the sea were resurfacing and flashed in biting bits before his eyes... ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________ Bingley finally found Aurelia in the library where she was reading yet another novel. At the sight of Bingley storming into the room she jumped to her feet and dropped the book. "What happened?" she cried fearfully. Bingley was gasping but his words were clear. "It's Jane... She needs your help! Where is your mother?" "She went to the village to call on Mrs. Timber and her son. Do you want me to fetch her?" Bingley shook his head violently. "No, Dominic will go and find her. Please hurry! Jane is in a terrible condition!" Without another word Aurelia rushed back the way she had just taken to get to the library. The moment she beheld Jane lying on the sofa she could breathe more freely. There was no sign of cramps or spotting. "I need her smelling salts and some broth. Don't worry, it's just a fainting spell, she'll be alright!" "Are you sure?" Aurelia nodded. "Still, there is no harm in letting my mother examine her. Also, look after Jane's letters. Something in them must have disturbed her deeply!" ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________ Darcy cleared his throat loudly causing the couple in front of him to tear apart violently. His son was clearly flustered while Diana simply smoothed her skirts and gave him a defiant glare. "Father, we... it's not what you think..." Alex mustered all his strength to address his father. "I'd be grateful to you if you stopped putting pictures in my head or thoughts in my mind!" Darcy snapped back. The sight of her bare shoulder, the torn material barely covering her silky skin... It was too much! "Mr. Darcy, may I speak?" It was more of a command than a question and it put fuel on his anger. "Only if I ask you!" he shot back curtly. "Father!" Alex was aghast at his display of fury. "Alex, what do you think you're doing? You're not married yet and you're in the kitchen! Everyone might have come in and what then? Tell me, my grown up son, are you prepared for every consequence?" Alex eyes sought Diana's face but she was still smouldering with anger at being rejected like this. "Consequences?" he gulped. "Precisely, that's what I'm talking about. If I had not surprised you like this, where would this have ended? Yes, one must face such possibilities! I want you to go upstairs and think about what I told you. Go now!" he dismissed him coldly. "Miss Diana, we'll talk tomorrow. I have to go upstairs and take care of Abigail. Good night!" He watched her leave without as much as giving him another glance. Good riddance! his mind congratulated him while his thoughts objected her cruelty most violently. ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________ After applying the treatments to their daughter both fell into bed being completely exhausted. Elizabeth hummed one of Abby's favourite tunes to her daughter. "I've always loved your humming..." Darcy sighed. "It's so peaceful and gentle..." "Thank you, William. But I want you to do me a favour, please?" "You know I can't refuse you!" He smiled. "Will you tell me what is on your mind?" His body stiffened at her touch. "What are you talking about?" "You're so different... You haven't been that distant ever since...Hunsford..." "Do you have to bring this up now?" his voice rose in anger. "I'm concerned about you!" "There is nothing to worry about! Now let it be!" He moved away from her curtly. But unlike the last time she came after him and leaned her hot face against his shoulder. "No, don't go back to that place! We've been through too much for you to turn your back on me! Tell me what's hurting you!" Her voice was veiled with tears. "What are you talking about?" he responded icily. "Before we finally understood each other you were so aloof, so distant and so buried in your past. Don't go back there! I'm here no to ease the pain if something is troubling you! Don't you trust me anymore?" A heavy silence was between them, he was avoiding her eyes. Finally she rolled back to her side of the bed. "I hardly know you anymore..." Her words broke through the icy walls surrounding his inner thoughts. I share this sentiment, my love. I hardly recognize myself anymore... 


	8. Of the sweet years, the dear and wishedf...

Chapter seven I thought once how Theocritus had sung  
  
Of the sweet years, the dear and wished-for years,  
  
Who each one in a gracious hand appears  
  
To bear a gift for mortals, old or young;  
  
And, as I mused it in his antique tongue,  
  
I saw, in gradual vision through my tears,  
  
The sweet, sad years, the melancholy years,  
  
Those of my own life, who by turns had flung  
  
A shadow across me. Straightaway I was 'ware,  
  
So weeping, how a mystic Shape did move  
  
Behind me, and drew me backward by the hair;  
  
And a voice said in mastery, while I strove,--  
  
Guess now who holds thee?--Death, I said, But, there,  
  
The silver answer rang,--Not Death, but Love.  
  
(Elizabeth Barrett Browning) Jane felt a warm presence as she was trying to wake up. Am I suffering from my nerves? What would Lizzy think if she saw me like this? A light smirk graced her beautiful lips. "She's waking up!" somebody cried. "Aurelia?" Jane whispered, hoping for her beloved friend to be near her. Feeling her hand squeezed in affirmative her breathing was calming down. Aurelia stroke Jane's hair hoping for her mother to come home soon. It had been a fainting spell but doctor's orders were rest and no stress. Jane had overlooked both of them and now she was paying the price. "I'm right here, Jane. I won't leave you." Hearing footsteps from outside Aurelia's heart leapt with joy. Mother had made it in time. Only a minute later Bess entered the room with Mr. Bingley and Dominic Darcy. The young boy was frightened and as white as a sheet. Leaving Jane in her mother's care Aurelia got up to take care of her friend. "Dominic, are you afraid?" Her voice was soft. The young boy, being barely taller than her, made a fist. "Of course not! I'm a man!" Aurelia smiled. "I know. But you need not to worry about your Auntie Jane. She'll be well. See, my Mama is taking good care of her!" Bess had wrapped Jane in a blanket and gave her some more smelling salts. Feeling her pulse she nodded to herself and started to massage Jane's slender shoulders. Relief swept over Dominic's worried face, he finally found the strength to answer Aurelia's smile with a meek one of his own. Aurelia was two years his senior and still her smile warmed his heart more than any other girl's laughing had ever done. As she embraced him he clung to her clasp as he would have done to his mother's. The faint scent of lemon and peach from her rustling skirts, her soft hands and her steady breathing reminded him of his gentle Mama. "It's alright, dear child. Auntie will be fine." she whispered gently. Normally he would have protested at being called a child but not now, not in this quiet moment of safety and bliss. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________ Abigail wasn't better in the morning despite all treatments and her mother's love. Elizabeth bore her disappointment with ladylike calm but the strain in her beautiful face became more evident with each moment of Abby's coma. Her little fingers, normally so curious and gentle, now were white and looked crippled. Having her husband around all the time was no comfort as much as it should have been. His gesture of distrust had offended her and she couldn't bare the sight of him. "Are you alright?" she heard him ask her yet once again. "How do you want me to answer that question? With honesty or, like someone I know, with lies and hurting words?" Her words were biting. A little flame was glowing in his eyes as he looked down at her, even if he wasn't carrying his feelings on his face his eyes betrayed that she had hit the mark. "What makes you say this? What have I done?" his voice flared up to anger and hate. She saw the opportunity and jumped at it with yet another biting remark. "I remember now, you're the one who is entitled to acting as if he were haunted by an evil spirit, now aren't you?" He was silent, a black cloud was between them. "I want the truth!" She was trembling with rage, her hands on her hips, her eyes flashing. For a moment the heavy mist of red anger and hate parted and their eyes met. Hers glowing with challenge and demand, his clouded with nightmarish mystery. Tearing away from her gaze he just shook his head sadly. Then, straightening his back his shoulders tensed, he shot a glance of love and compassion at her. "No, you don't want the truth!" He spoke quietly but firmly. Without waiting for an answer he hastened to the door and slammed it behind him without looking back once. ____________________________________________________________________________ ________________  
  
Diana woke up with a bitter aftertaste this morning. Remembering yesterday's rather unplanned scene she could have slapped herself for her stupidity. But there was no use in crying over spilled milk. Jumping out of bed she rang for a maid and started looking for her most beautiful dress for casual use. The white satin gown gave her a look of innocence and made her hair glow but it also made her look pale. The pink chiffon dress with the white lace was lovely but too girly for this endeavour. The black velvet dress was glorious but made her look older than she wanted to appear. Finally she decided to wear the buttercup yellow silken dress with its simple gaze flowers and a few frills. Descending the stairs she heard a door slam upstairs and suddenly felt a person at her side rushing down the stairs. Stretching out the arm she caught hold of his sleeve. "What an earth is after you?" He halted for a moment, totally enraptured by the shining yellow beauty before him. Then he brushed away her hand as if she were a snake. "Excuse me!" Her eyes were following him has he rushed towards the main entrance and slammed it shut. ____________________________________________________________________________ ___________________ "Mistress Jane, what are these letters about?" Bess asked in a moment of privacy after carrying her upstairs to her room. Jane's face fell at this question. "Fetch Aurelia and Mr. Bingley and I'll tell you all. Will you, please?" Bess nodded with a gentle smile. "Sure. I'll be right back. And you'll stay calm and quiet!" Going downstairs she saw her daughter was still holding one of the Darcy- children. The time had come to talk to her or otherwise misunderstandings were bound to happen. "Mr. Bingley, Mistress Jane wants to speak to you. She asked for Aurelia and me as well." Seeing Aurelia move away from Dominic she was glad and decided to talk to her daughter after hearing about the letters from Jane. "No, Dominic, Mistress Jane asked only for the three of us." Bess explained to Dominic whose hope of follwing Aurelia was written plainly on his face. ____________________________________________________________________________ _____________________  
  
Jane greeted them with a warm smile. "Please, have a seat. What I have to say is most dreadful but there is no way around it." She took a deep breath. "I received two letters today. One came from Longbourn..." her voice faltered slightly. Squeezing Bingley's hand she continued. "Father wrote to me. He had a heart-attack several days ago. He says he felt that his time has come and he asks for me..." "Say no more, my love. We understand." Bingley rocked his sobbing wife. "But there is another letter which came today. A letter written by my brother in law. It came from Pemberley today. Lizzy's daughter Abby fell into the lake and is suffering from frostbite and a coma. Nursing her must be most dreadful to my poor sister. Two people I love so much are asking for my help. What shall I do?" Her face looked forlorn. Burying her head at her husband's chest she cried quietly. Bingley's and Bess' eyes met sorrowfully. "Now, now, we're all here to help you. Don't, please don't cry! You know I can't bare to see you crying." "I'll go to Pemberley!" Aurelia declared. All eyes were on the young girl. "Yes, I shall go to Pemberley and take care of Abigail. Mama and Mr. Bingley can accompany you to Longbourn!" She smiled weakly. "Are you sure that you're up to it?" Bess asked her daughter. Aurelia nodded, her face was beaming. "Mama, I've learned a lot from you. I'll do my best and write to you every day." Jane was completely stunned. There was her friend offering her the easiest solution, thus taking a burden from her shoulders that would have brought down a horse. "Thank you, Aurelia. May God bless you for this!" she said, thus putting into words what everyone was thinking of Aurelia. ____________________________________________________________________________ __________________ The day passed quietly without any incidents. Abigail had not risen from her coma, the water-treatments had not reduced the frostbite. Elizabeth felt as if a cold hand had grabbed her hand in a clammy grip, she had not eaten since breakfast and she felt no desire to eat whatsoever. Her husband had been away for the entire day only to check on Abby every two hours but he was avoiding her presence. Still, she didn't forbid him to sleep in their bed. For Abby's sake of course, there could be no other reason. That evening she went to sleep with a dreadful sense of foreboding. Holding Abby in her arms she finally found some moments of sleep until a piercing shriek cut the air. She felt a chill as she recognized her husband's voice. He was suffering from a nightmare. The meaning of his scream was veiled to her but she had understood every word. Leaning over him she felt his face dripping with sweat and tears, he was burning up. And still those words haunted her, chilled her, and froze her heart. Tom! No, it was an accident! To be continued 


End file.
